Deep Background: A Prose Poem

When I was a child,
one of my favorite games was "leave and comeback."
I would say to my friends,
"Ok I am leaving now but I promise I will come back."
Then I would head off out of sight.
I would toy with the feeling of departure

and the feeling of cold space between me and
my point of return, which in my imagination was home.
I would toy with the sense of being missed and missing.
I would practice trust .
In my game there was never a forever.
There were no real goodbyes.

Then, after a time I would re-appear.
Usually it was a return from an imaginary mission
I would bask in play with the feeling of welcome.
The welcome would mount into a childish imaginary play-acted love.


I haven’t played that game in more than 60 years.
And I am well out of practice.
But I still remember how to cope with the feelings,
my practice is still in the muscles of thought in my mind.
I do need to add the goodbye skill.
I do need to build the will to face forever.
Passing successfully through old age is going to require it.