Saturday, June 28, 2014

"Where We Watch the Bhudda": The Video

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Ferdy Got Away


When the professor said, "There is no demonstrable difference between reality and dreams." Ferdy blinked.

"The mind is the only important science", the professor said. "Social life is a fantasy. Even if we allow that the words of others are real, they are conspiratorial. They are attempting to keep a myth alive. They want to keep the world of wakefulness alive. We could just as well sleep. The myth is that our sleep impoverishes the world."

"See how desperately they want you to find mates, to marry, to bear children, to have happy families. They want you to invest in what you are given as real in the earth. They want you to construct the world, not repair it. Every bit of devotion pumps up the balloon, inflates the thin skin of the world. Whereas the natural state of nature is death."

With that, the professor sat down on the stage and crossed his legs over one another with surprising effortlessness, as if the limbs were not boned and stiff. His eyes remained open but his pupils pulled upward so that his open eye sockets were filled with white.

On the other hand, maybe God did create the world. Maybe we have to add our breath to God's to inflate the world. Ferdy looked out over the trees as he left the lecture hall. There was a spider web tangled among the leaves, catching the rays of 10 am sun. Everything was so green and damp with all these bits of life and magic moving autonomously about. Maybe it came about by vacillations of some random hand. But randomness may be our view of the way purpose happens.

The other student was wearing a dress since it was Summer. Ferdy may have sounded like he was young but he was actually old, three-quarters toward the end of his time. A voice came into Ferdy's head asking, “why do I have to include another person in this?” He didn't know her name. She shared the classroom, that's all. The narrative requires two reference points. Should I say it's natural. It's just that we are lost without it.
Ferdy wandered down California Avenue toward the basement apartment in the 1900s house at number 1001. He lived alone of course, but surrounded by youthful, noisy, exuberant graduate students. All the students suffered together, though they didn't really know it, through a life of defacto slavery and poverty, there being nothing around them of real beauty, and no time to create anything beautiful. It was a straightforward utilitarian community; although each of them had deep undiscovered capabilities of the spirit.
Ferdy half-recalled, almost forgot, there was an old crime. The habit of hiding gave way to the habit of being alone even though the memory did sometimes ooze through the mist in silhouette. He sometimes relived it in dreams. The law forgot about it. He managed to get so far away and it was already deep in time. Someone who looked guiltier, Ferdy smiled as the thought came to him, probably got caught for it and is now probably frantic, trying to escape the punishment. It was a little bloody and unpleasant but so what. Ferdy got away.
Ferdy's old people questions about his solitary solution toward life, questions about the ultimate role of reality and body, questions about the role of death in the universe were the questions professors racked their brains about.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

It's No Longer Lions

We are wild
tactical creatures, eyes
flickering around
a perilous world. Words
and fingers.
Words and fingers.
We are safe
only when we are
When we
guess the future
then we are safe.
For those
whose life is not even,
I know how
tired you are,
how hard it is to rest.
Things waggle
day by day,
uncommonly. I know
how you
spend your days
dodging, with darts
fired at your legs.
You are
wild tactical creatures.
I see how your eyes narrow.

it's the little predators
and the human,
the abstract mind-predators,

the value predators
among the world's
human furniture
that are the worst. )

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Waiting for the Tai Chi Teacher

(We are taking "tai chi for better balance" through the YMCA. It's a limited set of eight movements. The course is designed to keep seniors from falling. I wrote this because the way people select each other for pre-lesson conversations reminded me of a slave market.)  

Maybe he felt it's like
a marketplace
as we arrange ourselves there
waiting for the teacher.
We do stand erect and
face forward. We do
pass each other, inspecting.
While we await the teacher
we do hope to be bought.

Maybe he thought
this is what we naturally do.
We've been driven to wallflowerdom
and shyness by such
strong need. We never
assume our value.
We wait to be bought.

Friday, June 13, 2014

House and Gardens

We leave our
jackets around the chairs
in spite of the
formality of the setting.
Well, the outsiders are,
as usual, absent.
There are no guests to
make the rooms into a
tasteful memory.
I know her jacket
and she knows mine. She
sometimes scolds me
but I take it with good grace.
I know she is not

Thursday, June 05, 2014

"Garden": new video